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    Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:28 pm

    Defacto it's open now, the 'important ones' are already flitting back and forth over it. Auto traffic will commence in a few days, they want it open before Victory Day Celebrations, IOW 09 May. Means we'll have even more of those muchly loved and charming visitors from the mainland than we have now. A pox on the lot of them, they're still telling us they saved our asses, and we're still telling them we don't remember seeing their skank asses on the barricades with us. In the words of the motto of the Umpteenth Chemical and Biological Warfare Battalion, up their ass with bugs and gas.
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    PapaDragon

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  PapaDragon on Sat Apr 28, 2018 5:24 pm

    auslander wrote:Defacto it's open now, the 'important ones' are already flitting back and forth over it. Auto traffic will commence in a few days, they want it open before Victory Day Celebrations, IOW 09 May. Means we'll have even more of those muchly loved and charming visitors from the mainland than we have now. A pox on the lot of them, they're still telling us they saved our asses, and we're still telling them we don't remember seeing their skank asses on the barricades with us. In the words of the motto of the Umpteenth Chemical and Biological Warfare Battalion, up their ass with bugs and gas.

    Ah the good old Slavic solidarity and calm demeanor, some things are cosmic constants Smile

    Just remember to sell them as much souvenirs, booze and snacks as you can during arguments, tourism is a booming economic segment after all...
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sat Apr 28, 2018 5:59 pm

    Ahh, Papa.....sigh. Rules for Tourists, written in early '16. Roads are better, tourists ain't.

    Tourist season seems to start earlier every year. This year most hotels and hostels are already booked through the end of May, many visitors are coming down for the Victory Day Parade. This year it seems season will start around the middle of April. Time to lighten things up a bit with the new rules and regulations concerning our summer plague, aka tourists.

    You may come for a visit any time, just please follow the rules:

    1. The ladies must be in proper attire including ankle length skirts, blouses with long sleeves and high collars. Ladies must have hair longer than 50 cm. Gentlemen must have hair shorter than 50 cm. and should not wear skirts and blouses.

    2. No spitting, swearing or body noises in public and this prohibition includes when walking past City Administration Building and any of the local constabulary and dignitaries.

    3. When a black S Klasse with darkened windows passes you on the streets you will doff your hat and bow humbly. If you feel a pressing need to loft your half empty beer bottle at the magnificent machine try to aim at him from head on. At his speed trying to hit the side or the rear as he passes will mean he is out of range in half a second and you will have wasted precious beer on him.

    4. No disruption of vehicular traffic is allowed. This means you will be fined if you are clumsy enough to trip and fall in one of our sainted street pot holes, some of which are so old they have names and honorary plaques proudly listing the number and dates of axles they have broken.

    5. Please do not pick your nose or any other body orifice when listening to our politicians pontificate in regards to how great they are and the extent of their vast accomplishments.

    6. You will see many soldiers and sailors on our streets. Do not attempt to remove and try on those handsome blue or dark red berets. These are Desantniki and Spetznaz and any attempt to do the aforementioned may lead to some problems with your dentistry, what used to be your nose and other cherished parts of your anatomy. Ditto for the sailors with those two neat ribbons hanging down their backs from their service caps although the sailors are marginally more kind than Desantniki and Spetznaz, operative term being ‘marginally’.

    7. The vast quantities of rebuilt and repaved roads listed for the Sevastopol Region do exist and do, indeed, count all the new and repaved roads in the new mansion communities around the reservoirs on our side of the mountains but shucks, they’re people too and they did manage to repave almost two kilometers of road on Hero of Sevastopol Street down to train station and the kilometer of road from that street up towards City Gates Monument. The plans are afoot to have the sewer covers on Hero of Sevastopol Street repaired and of proper height to blend in with the new paving, this is to be accomplished by late fall of 2037 barring adverse weather conditions.

    8. It is considered to be bad form to void one’s bladder on the hood of the odd seven ton SUV parked on our sidewalks. These people are important and do not have the time to find a parking place so try to feel some brotherly compassion for them.

    9. It is not allowed to denigrate in any way our honored guests from up north. All 30,000 of those military age young men with the AH (AN) and BB (VV) tags on their cars are fulfilling important coordination and support tasks for their honored and revered brothers fighting in the lines of Novorossiya. The majority of them have been relieved from duty by our local babushki who regularly kick the mortal pig snot out of the ukropov wandering around up there.

    10. It is not allowed to denigrate in any way our honored guests from Kiev. Those worthy and valiant men with the AA tags on their cars are important resistance members struggling against the coup d’etat in Kiev for two years. After all, these poor people have left hearth and home to carry on the struggle whilst roughing it in the wilds of Sevastopol with our hideous weather.

    11. Please do not make fun of other tourists. I know it is an annoyance to see them blocking traffic whilst waddling down the middle of the streets with their gaggle of children and 150 kilo wives in their micro bikinis and spandex tops but be patient with them. After all, most have never seen a paved, after a fashion, street and heavy traffic to them means two cows and a tractor on their local village street at the same time. Please kindly pick up the trash they accidentally drop on our streets. It is quite difficult for them to drop their half eaten sandwich in that trash container 10 cm away from their hand.

    12. When driving on our streets please remember that those pretty red, green and yellow lights that change colors in seemingly random fashion are not Christmas lights. If the light is for instance red try to slow down to a maximum of 100 kph as you pass the light.

    14. Do not go to our beaches from April to October without taking your heart medications with you. The two roads going down to our fine beaches on North Side will give a T 72 pause, in other words the tank will take one look at that rocky morass and automatically shut down, ergo an emergency vehicle might take an hour or three to go the almost full kilometer down the 'roads' to assist you when you've seen one too many of the local lovelies in what little they consider to be proper beach attire.

    15. Do not try to blend in with the locals. We can spot you at a range of roughly 300 kilometers, it’s your nasal pronunciations of Russian, that and your pasty white hide as opposed to the locals who are generally well tanned by late March if not before. Two days of roasting on our beaches in July does not produce a tan, you look like a well done lobster in a thong fresh from the pot. Your screams are interesting in a primal beast sort of way, though.

    16. Speaking of blending in with the locals, please be advised that we owe you nothing for ‘saving’ us in February and March of 2014. You were not on the barricades in the cold, wet and gloom, we were. You did not face down the ukropov at the Krimu borders, we did. You did not take the Simferopol Aerodrome and blockade Belbek Aerodrome, we did. Please remember that and please take your pontifications of how much we owe you and kindly shove them up your nether regions, preferably sideways and with a fifteen kilo maul used to pound them in to place.

    17. While at our beaches please remember proper attire. If you are over 70 years it is recommended that ladies wear both pieces of their bathing suits and ladies and gentlemen at or above that age should kindly refrain from wearing thongs. Industrial size Depends does not count as attire below the waist on our beaches and does little to enhance your manly physique.

    18. If you see us in City Center Park please do not touch our dogs. Trust me, Aleksandr and Ye'katarina do not like you and what you may mistake for white golf tees in Aleksandr’s mouth are in fact his dental suite. There is a reason he wears a muzzle when outside our walls.

    19. When walking your dogs and children in our parks, streets and byways please carry small baggies with you to pick up their droppings. As an aside we do not find it amusing or quaint when you remove your two year old’s clothing and let the child swim in our fountains, fouling the water at will.

    20. Did you notice there is no #13?

    21. We are quite conservative in our quiet little village and we are also quite tolerant. That being said, please do not try to convince us that your dinner plate sized earlobe plugs are some kind of artistic statement. You look foolish with them as you look foolish with your South Seas Islander hair in a top knot. It is quite possible we will tell you so but please be kind and consider our comments and laughter as simply a local cultural aberration. Concerning your extensive body art covering your entire upper torso and shoulders, buying a local tourist kiosk 'Spetznaz' blue and white striped shirt to hang on your scrawny shoulders and display your expensive art work may also subject you to comments from the locals. Please remember, we are a backwater here and do not appreciate the finer imported western art forms. Call us cultural cretins, we will not be offended.

    22. Please feel welcome to visit our peninsula and our little city. We will welcome you, your foibles and ours notwithstanding. We don’t like you, we have never liked you, but we will tolerate you for the good of our city. By the by, next time you get a tattoo in Chinese you would be well advised to consult a native Chinese speaker beforehand. The one you so proudly display now is not complimentary concerning your manly equipage by any stretch of the imagination.

    Please remember these basic rules for proper behavior and enjoy your visit to our pleasant little city.
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    PapaDragon

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  PapaDragon on Sat Apr 28, 2018 6:35 pm


    Nice to know that rules are short and simple Smile

    Also, I do have to mention that with bridge up and running tourist season will most likely be 12 months​ a year from here on out...
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    PapaDragon

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  PapaDragon on Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:30 pm


    Come to think of it, tourists will be coming just to see the bridge





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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:38 pm

    PapaDragon wrote:
    Nice to know that rules are short and simple Smile

    Also, I do have to mention that with bridge up and running tourist season will most likely be 12 months​ a year from here on out...

    I could have gone in to clinical detail on the Rules for Tourists, they are a royal pain in the nether regions, but what I wrote back then covered things in a nutshell.

    I don't see how we can cram more bodies in to this berg, just about everything anywhere near a beach or City Center is let almost a year in advance. IMHO the increased auto traffic will work wonders in opening the rest of Krim to visitors and may even alleviate the pressure on this city and region. As it stands now, we don't go anywhere near City Center from 01 May until the end of September except for events we are in or planned meetings with 'them'. This city was closed for generations and as such to this day does not have the transport infrastructure to handle another kazzilion cars and trucks in the season, it's bad enough in off season. It'll take years to make transport viable and I don't see Moskau spending the dough to do so beyond working on the worst areas, IOW 5th Kilometer Market out to Fiolent Ring or so and doing the connection to Tavrida system from Kerch to our 'bypass'. Good luck on that, Tavrida feeds in to the two lane section of the Inkerman Bypass and the general direction is down to Yalta Ring, not up to Inkerman/Yalta/Belbek ring, which is all two lane.

    The big difference in this AO is we get few west foreigners since our little revolution and to be honest that is a blessing. West europeans in particular were considered to be cretins, always, and it seemed that a lot of them went out of their way to justify that consideration. To quote a famous quot, a pox on the lot of them. Stay out of our little piece of heaven, than you very much.
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    franco

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  franco on Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:54 pm

    auslander wrote:
    PapaDragon wrote:
    Nice to know that rules are short and simple Smile

    Also, I do have to mention that with bridge up and running tourist season will most likely be 12 months​ a year from here on out...

    I could have gone in to clinical detail on the Rules for Tourists, they are a royal pain in the nether regions, but what I wrote back then covered things in a nutshell.

    I don't see how we can cram more bodies in to this berg, just about everything anywhere near a beach or City Center is let almost a year in advance. IMHO the increased auto traffic will work wonders in opening the rest of Krim to visitors and may even alleviate the pressure on this city and region. As it stands now, we don't go anywhere near City Center from 01 May until the end of September except for events we are in or planned meetings with 'them'. This city was closed for generations and as such to this day does not have the transport infrastructure to handle another kazzilion cars and trucks in the season, it's bad enough in off season. It'll take years to make transport viable and I don't see Moskau spending the dough to do so beyond working on the worst areas, IOW 5th Kilometer Market out to Fiolent Ring or so and doing the connection to Tavrida system from Kerch to our 'bypass'. Good luck on that, Tavrida feeds in to the two lane section of the Inkerman Bypass and the general direction is down to Yalta Ring, not up to Inkerman/Yalta/Belbek ring, which is all two lane.

    The big difference in this AO is we get few west foreigners since our little revolution and to be honest that is a blessing. West europeans in particular were considered to be cretins, always, and it seemed that a lot of them went out of their way to justify that consideration. To quote a famous quot, a pox on the lot of them. Stay out of our little piece of heaven, than you very much.

    Thanks for the warning... okay no Crimea this year or maybe even longer No
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:57 pm

    "Come to think of it, tourists will be coming just to see the bridge."

    They need to light the other side, too. We've already had one Turk ship 'accidentally' hit the pylons before the actual bridge structure was installed. Either more lights or perhaps automatic 70 cm torpedo tubes that shoot when pylons are hit.
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sat Apr 28, 2018 8:00 pm

    franco wrote: Thanks for the warning... okay no Crimea this year or maybe even longer.

    Give them a couple more years, maybe three. Things be changing but Rome was not built in one day. With a little more time, both the west and east coast will be more viable as tourist destinations. Now, at least in our berg and Yalta, it's a mess during the season.
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    PapaDragon

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  PapaDragon on Sat Apr 28, 2018 10:30 pm

    auslander wrote:
    franco wrote: Thanks for the warning... okay no Crimea this year or maybe even longer.

    Give them a couple more years, maybe three. Things be changing but Rome was not built in one day. With a little more time, both the west and east coast will be more viable as tourist destinations. Now, at least in our berg and Yalta, it's a mess during the season.


    I dunno what to tell you man. Whole thing reminds me of this little place called Sochi.

    It also used to be quiet berg on the coast until they did this whole Olympic reconstruction thing and now they have so many tourists that they already have to work on expanding facilities even though everybody predicted that everything will crumble into dust once games are finished.

    Maybe you could ask them for tips because you guys will be having infinitely more tourists than they have coming your way before long... Cool
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    GarryB

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  GarryB on Sun Apr 29, 2018 2:52 am

    I could have gone in to clinical detail on the Rules for Tourists, they are a royal pain in the nether regions, but what I wrote back then covered things in a nutshell.

    At least you are not bitter.... Smile

    Don't fear the tourist... fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to supporting Donald Trump...

    Project Canada

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  Project Canada on Sun Apr 29, 2018 2:58 am

    Can Crimea, Sochi and other Russian black sea coast areas be "Real" alternatives to Turkish Mediterranean resorts that many Russian tourists love to visit? Or is there is a significant difference in climate (not warm enough in Russia's case) to make it difficult for Russian resorts to emulate its Turkish counterparts?
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:48 am

    PapaDragon wrote:
    I dunno what to tell you man. Whole thing reminds me of this little place called Sochi.

    It also used to be quiet berg on the coast until they did this whole Olympic reconstruction thing and now they have so many tourists that they already have to work on expanding facilities even though everybody predicted that everything will crumble into dust once games are finished.

    Maybe you could ask them for tips because you guys will be having infinitely more tourists than they have coming your way before long... Cool

    Sochi is already having massive problems with the beaches. Beaches are granite pebbles and granite sand washed down from the mountains over eons and renewed every spring in the snow melt in the mountains. No bright light thought of that when they channeled all the water rushing downward away from the beaches. Now beaches have eroded so much that in some areas the Sea is washing the foundations of hotels and facilities built way too close to said beaches. Panic mode for sure to stop the erosion. Besides, Sochi will always be more of a winter playground, at least for the near future. Gawd forbid they try to bring Olympics here, if they do we're selling out in a heartbeat and moving diagonally as far away from them as possible on this island, and Krim is an island, if you can't get here on foot without getting yer feet wet, it's an island.
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sun Apr 29, 2018 8:54 am

    GarryB wrote: At least you are not bitter.... Smile

    Don't fear the tourist... fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to supporting Donald Trump...

    As much of a disappointment as President Trump has been, he still beats the hell out of the other choice on the ballot. I couldn't vote for him, CehSha pulled a 'Catch 22' on the expats living down here, what few of us are left. That won't happen in the next election, Plan B will take care of that, no doubt.
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:05 am

    Project Canada wrote:Can Crimea, Sochi and other Russian black sea coast areas be "Real" alternatives to Turkish Mediterranean resorts that many Russian tourists love to visit? Or is there is a significant difference in climate (not warm enough in Russia's case) to make it difficult for Russian resorts to emulate its Turkish counterparts?

    Beaches and resorts in Russia are just as good as Turkey, Greece, Egypt, Italy, etc., plus being less expensive and way better in regards to security. Going on foreign 'holiday' jaunts is nothing more than a status symbol and bragging rights. Weather on our island and the east coast of the Sea is similar to the Med and the Sea side of Turkey for the season. I'll qualify that with this just past winter was much more brisk in this AO and on our south coast than any in the last 50 years. Normally I'm mowing grass in late February and by late March our young lovelies are at the beach tanning up. Not this year. I started mowing the last week of March and the local goils were about freezing their goodies off until the second week of April.

    par far

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  par far on Sun Apr 29, 2018 11:47 pm

    Just came across this video, The Mriya Resort & Spa in Crimea is amazing. It was build with just $300 million, I don't know how you can build something like that for just $300 million.

    I really want to visit Crimea and stay at the The Mriya Resort & Spa, I will likely go when I visit my native country of India(easier to go from there than Canada, I went to Goa the last time I went to India and was blown away by how many Russian tourists were there.) Every year I save about $2000 a year to make a trip somewhere(I mostly go to Las Vegas but visiting The Mriya Resort & Spa maybe more rewarding.)

    https://www.rt.com/business/412826-crimean-hotel-best-travel-award/
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    GarryB

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  GarryB on Tue May 01, 2018 3:08 am

    As much of a disappointment as President Trump has been, he still beats the hell out of the other choice on the ballot. I couldn't vote for him, CehSha pulled a 'Catch 22' on the expats living down here, what few of us are left. That won't happen in the next election, Plan B will take care of that, no doubt.

    Imagine if an independent candidate in the US had the brains to change their name legally to "Not Trump Or Hilary"... hahahaha... I remember reading about a guy in the deep south of the US who changed his name to Kennedy and got a lot of votes... of course when he turned out to be black he stopped getting votes... don't know if the story is true or if I just made it up, but it is funny anyway... Twisted Evil

    Sorry, I should not make fun of the US.... sniper russia
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Tue May 01, 2018 8:55 am

    GarryB wrote: Sorry, I should not make fun of the US....  sniper  russia

    Why not? We do, all the time. And sometimes we make fun of Mother, too.
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    d_taddei2

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  d_taddei2 on Thu May 10, 2018 2:58 pm

    What in terms of economy has Russia created/upgraded/reactivated or increased in Crimea?
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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Thu May 10, 2018 3:26 pm

    According to your PM, nothing.
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    KiloGolf

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  KiloGolf on Thu May 10, 2018 4:31 pm

    auslander wrote:[Beaches and resorts in Russia are just as good as Turkey, Greece, Egypt, Italy, etc.,

    Fixed for you, there's no comparison. Better sand, better geography, better food (fish), better wine. Safer too.
    Plus the season is longer.

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    auslander

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  auslander on Thu May 10, 2018 4:41 pm

    Wine is arguable, beaches from Sevastopol north on the coast above Kacha are as good if not better, plus no tide and no sharks. Roads still stink up there, though.
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    KiloGolf

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  KiloGolf on Thu May 10, 2018 4:58 pm

    auslander wrote:Wine is arguable, beaches from Sevastopol north on the coast above Kacha are as good if not better, plus no tide and no sharks. Roads still stink up there, though.

    I've been swimming in Cyprus, Greece and Italy for 25 years, with no regard or incidents (direct or in heard in discussions) with sharks.
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    Hole

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  Hole on Thu May 10, 2018 5:28 pm

    Some members would say: Damn! tongue
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    d_taddei2

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    Re: Crimea's integration into Russian Federation:

    Post  d_taddei2 on Sat May 12, 2018 1:09 pm

    auslander wrote:According to your PM, nothing.

    My PM? PM May does not speak for me she's a malignant parasite.

    But surely you have some info on this. I've been to Crimea twice once in 2009 and again 1-2 weeks after becoming part of Russia. It's very beautiful and they were all celebrating when I was their. I ve posted pics on here in the past. I was also in donetsk. One of my friends older man said that his pension was to go up which he said would be greatly welcomed he was in soviet navy as an INT officer on a submarine but never was stationed in Crimea but use to go there for holidays and eventually moved.

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